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| by John Hargrave |
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Evildoer #1: Verizon Wireless
CellBoy first took on a local Verizon retailer, who did not want the superhero entering the store. CellBoy persisted, forcing his way into the store ... but was eventually removed. Curses! CellBoy: Greetings, Verizon retailer! Store manager: Uh ... may I ask what you're doing? CellBoy: My name is CellBoy, and I am here to enforce cellphone safety. I am making sure your store is in compliance. Store manager: [After a long pause] Yeah, it is. CellBoy: I'll just come into your store here, to check on things... Store manager: You can't come in here. [Shuts door in CellBoy's face.] CellBoy: Please sir, I am licensed by the government. [Forces his way in the door.] Store manager: This is not funny. CellBoy: Sir, I am not here to be funny, I am here to verify that you are giving away hands-free handsets to every person who purchases a cellphone from this establishment. Store manager: The headsets are over there, against that wall. CellBoy: Very good. And do you give them away for free? Store manager: Free? CellBoy: Otherwise people will not buy them. They will talk on the phone while driving, which is unsafe. It's like trying to steer a car while eating a twelve-course buffet. Store manager: I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. CellBoy: Have you ever tried to eat a twelve-course buffet while driving? It's very difficult. Store manager: Turn off the camera. CellBoy: And where do you fit the hibachi? In the backseat? Store manager: I'm going to call the ... uh, the police. CellBoy: You're going to call the police. Is this illegal, sir? Store manager: Yes. There is no soliciting in the store. CellBoy: Sir, I am CellBoy, and I ... Store manager: [Shuts down camera]
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