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CellBoy
by John Hargrave

Evildoer #2: VoiceStream Wireless
One of the most offensive advertisers is VoiceStream Wireless, which has the above photograph of a man riding a skateboard with no hands, as well as people talking on their cellphone in cabs, while driving the kids to work, etc. The company's spokesperson, Jamie Lee Curtis, appears in a radio ad where she talks about always being "on the go," and using her cellphone while roller skating. CellBoy decided to enter this store in a dramatic fashion.

 

CellBoy: WHERE IS JAMIE LEE CURTIS?!

 

Store manager: Sir, you're going to have to quiet down.

 

CellBoy: I DEMAND TO SEE JAMIE LEE CURTIS! WHAT IS SHE DOING TALKING ON HER CELLPHONE WHILE SKATING?

 

Store manager: Please lower your voice.

 

CellBoy: I cannot lower my voice, because I am ANGRY! Look at that advertisement up there! LOOK AT IT!

 

Store manager: Can I help you?

 

CellBoy: Are you implying that it is OK to ride a skateboard with no hands while talking on a cellular phone?

 

Store manager: It's about freedom. It's not about talking, it's about freedom.

 

CellBoy: The freedom to break one's neck!?

 

Store manager: Do you ... ah, do you have a question?

 

CellBoy: I have several. Such as, why are you picturing a woman talking on her cellphone as she drives her children to work?

 

Store manager: Many people think the benefits...

 

CellBoy: Why would she risk the lives of those children in her backseat? Why would she endanger that precious cargo?

 

Store manager: ...the benefits of using a cellphone are ...

 

CellBoy: And that one, with a man standing near a cab! What's next? An ad featuring cellphones being used in a high-speed car chase?

 

Store manager: If you'll let me talk...

 

CellBoy: Astronauts talking during a Space Shuttle launch? Brain surgeons taking a quick call in the middle of a procedure?

 

Store manager: [Pauses] Are you done?

 

CellBoy: No. NOT UNTIL YOU FIND ME JAMIE LEE CURTIS!

 


Next: CellBoy takes on Cingular Wireless! >>