I took my loot home and waited for the call from Citi, which never came. I logged onto my IdentityMonitor account, but there were no alerts waiting for me there, either.
Maybe Citi didn't care about petty theft. Maybe I needed to do something truly dangerous. So next I did a little Internet research on how to build a homemade fertilizer bomb. Surely a little Timothy McVeigh action would alert Citi, not to mention the FBI, CIA, and GSQ.*
Do you know how easy it is to build a fertilizer bomb? You probably have the ingredients in your garage. I went to Home Depot and bought them in massive quantities, trying desperately to trip Citi's credit card fraud prevention alarm. I literally could not think of anything worse to buy on my credit card. I mean, generally you have to pay cash for snuff films.
My wife was surprised when I came home with a quarter-ton of fertilizer and gasoline. I told her I was just doing yard work.
There was too much to fit in the trunk of my Camry, so I had to fill the back of the car as well, piling bags of deadly fertilizer on top of the infant seat.
The cost of committing a terrorist act, in case you're wondering, is just over $300.00. It would be less if gas weren't so darned expensive.
Several more days went by. No calls from Citi, the government, or Osama bin Laden. What the hell would it take? I was determined to find out.
* GSQ is the new government agency that's so secret you don't even know what the initials stand for.
