 This is my actual signature, and not a seismograph reading. |
The ad lists four things you can do to "safeguard your credit card." I decided to test each one, to see how much the credit card companies really cared.
Experiment 1: "Shred your receipts before you throw them away."
I bought some pizza at the food court, and used my credit card to pay for it. On the receipt, I scribbled "FOUND THIS IN THE TRASH!" in large black letters. Just in case they didn't get it, I sketched a picture of a garbage pail. Note the "stink lines" coming off the can, indicating that it is in fact smelly.
The cashiers looked at each other strangely as I snapped my pictures. But I carried an air of confidence, like a seasoned dumpster diver, so they didn't dare say anything. One of them even moved a package of straws out of my way so I could get a better shot.
Credit card companies protecting us? I guess we can trash that idea.
Experiment 2: "Don't leave credit cards in glove compartments."
Testing this one was tricky. I needed to renew my yearly gym membership, a $750 charge, so the stakes were much higher. Jauntily, I signed my receipt "Glove Box Thief," and included what I thought would be the Glove Box Thief's personal logo: a glove on top of a box.
The health club employee was in her late 40's, a heavy woman who looked like she was also a heavy smoker. She got antsy when I started taking pictures. "What are you doing?" she asked me.
"Taking photos of my receipt," I said. "For a project," I added helpfully.
"Your receipt?" she said, and snorted. Then she chewed on it for a while. "Your receipt," she concluded, shaking her head. Oh, those zany receipt photographers and their unpredictable ways!
Experiment 3: "Always check your monthly statements. (Criminals will sometimes make a small purchase first, to see if it goes undetected.)"
This one was simple. I made a small purchase, to see if it would go undetected. (It did.)
I signed my receipt "UNDETECTABLE SMALL PURCHASE." Just in case that wasn't subtle enough, I signed a hearty "YEE-HAW!!"
This time, I actually lifted the receipt up so that I could get the cashiers included in the photo with the receipt. No one said anything, but why would they? It was a small undetectable purchase.
Experiment 4: Notify the Post Office immediately if you change your address.
I didn't know how to get this point across, so I literally cut the picture out of the ad and carried it around in my pocket with a tube of glue stick.
A few nights later, we went out for pizza. When the bill came, I glued the drawing to the receipt, instead of a signature. I had the Postal Employee saying "SUCKER!" though I'm not really sure what that means. But I don't think this should count as a legal signature unless my name is in fact Mr. Sucker. And if that's the case, they should probably tell me the pizza is lined with Spanish gold, and charge me twelve times as much.
Sure enough, when I got my credit card statement a few weeks later, there was the charge, as if nothing had happened.
I was starting to feel invincible ... until I ran into my next challenge.
