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Having learned from my Best Buy experience,
I logged onto the Circuit City Web site to find out which models they
had in stock. Then I put on a suit, because you can get away with anything
if you're wearing a suit. Suits lie. Again, I confidently strode into Circuit City, this time armed with actual model numbers. The middle-aged Indian fellow manning the TV department had thick black hair sprouting from his ears, but that didn't block the sound of cash registers ringing in his head. "The Hitachi 42-inch Plasma HDTV?" he repeated. "Yes, we have those in stock!" Little dollar signs appeared in his pupils, since Circuit City employees (unlike Best Buy workers) are paid on commission. "The 42HDT51?" I asked, fiddling with my cufflinks. I had model numbers and a suit. I could have made sausage out of baby meat and gotten away with it. "Yes, sir!" said the Indian clerk, punching on his computer. "We have, ah, three in stock." "I'd like all of them," I said without hesitation. The guy almost crapped his pants. "Do you have a truck to carry them home?" he asked. "Yes," I lied. "Yes, I have a truck." (I did have a hand-truck, but it was in my garage.) "That's great!" said the sales clerk. "Great, just great." He punched in my order which, when tallied with all the optional service plans and recommended cables, came to well over $16,000.  I bought three of these.  I have to admit that my heart was pounding as I handed him my credit card. I was definitely playing with fire, especially since there was a chance the charge would go through, and I'd be stuck with three HDTVs ... and I don't even have cable! (Kidding.) He ran the charge card through, then asked me to sign the Circuit City credit card touchpad. I tried to sign "I DO NOT AUTHORIZE THIS TRANSACTION," but apparently there is some kind of memory buffer in these things, and the touchpad stopped recording my input after "I DO NOT AUTHORI." So what if you have a really long Arabic name, like Mohammed Shaheed Al-Kabazzar-Shamaladingdong? The touchpad won't even let you sign your full name!  I had to literally try the signature four times, while the guy stood breathing over my shoulder. It was excruciating. Finally I settled on "NOT AUTHORIZED," then took a picture of the screen, while trying to carry on a conversation like this was totally normal. "So, who you rooting for in the big game?" I asked nonchalantly, as I snapped another picture of the screen. "Oh, ha," he laughed nervously. "Ah ... what are you doing, sir?" he asked. "What?" I asked him, which is always a safe response when challenged. "Why did you sign NOT AUTHORIZED?" "Hmm?" I asked. "What?" "Let me call a manager," he said, voiding out the transaction. When he turned around, I took a picture of his computer, which seemed equally confused.  The manager, a guy about my age with a ponytail and a goatee, came over to see what was wrong. They exchanged some hushed words, and then he rang through my purchase again. "Can you sign the screen, please?" he asked. This guy was serious. Again I signed NOT AUTHORIZED to my $16,800 Circuit City credit card payment. "What is that?" he asked. "That's my signature," I said. "You can't sign it NOT AUTHORIZED." "Why not?" "Because you need to sign your name." "Well, I recently changed my signature," I said hopefully. "It now looks a lot like NOT AUTHORIZED." "It's got to match the back of your card," the manager said. "Oh," I said. "No problem." I took the card back from him and wrote NOT AUTHORIZED on the back of my credit card. I had heard that this trick sometimes works, but this guy was too smart for me. "No, no," he said as I started writing. "That doesn't count." "It's never had to match before," I said. "No one has ever cared." "Well, I'm sorry if we've overlooked the signature in the past," he said. "But we can't accept this. Do you want to try again?" "You mean try to forge the signature so it matches the back of the card?" I asked. "Can't you just sign your real name?" the Indian clerk pleaded, watching his commission slip away. "We can let you try again." "Guess what?" I said, changing course. "This is the first time anyone has verified my signature in years. I want to congratulate you guys. You have really made me feel good about Circuit City credit card services." I hit CANCEL on the signature screen. "Thanks!" I said, waving goodbye as I walked out of the Circuit City without buying anything. So: there you go. Apparently you can get them to check your signature, but only if you're buying three high-end HDTVs. 
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