FAO Schwarz, the famous upscale toy retailer, was forced to declare bankruptcy a few years ago, due to competition from discount toy retailers like Toys R Us and Wal-Mart. Even though the world's most expensive toy store has since emerged from bankruptcy,  they're still selling the same ridiculously overpriced toys, like the $19,000 PLAYHOUSE pictured at right.
At first, I thought this was a typo. There are parts of Arkansas where you can get a real house for $19,000. I love the way that the playhouse offers "authentic details to enrich a child's imagination." What imagination!? A cardboard box would enrich a child's imagination, not a $19,000 playhouse! I couldn't believe this was for real, so I made the following prank phone call to FAO Schwarz.
FAO SCHWARZ: Thanks for calling FAO Schwarz, this is Jean.
JOHN HARGRAVE: Hi, Jean. I recently received your catalog, and I was looking at the Grand Victorian Mansion, item #845602.
FAO: Yes. Isn't it beautiful?
JH: It certainly is. And not a bad price, either. If you knew the price of real estate around here, you'd jump all over this.
FAO: [Laughs]
JH: Now, does it come assembled?
FAO: No, sir.
JH: So you just ship the materials and I build it myself?
FAO: OK ... let me just read it here ... the description says "assembly required."
JH: So you're going to just dump a bunch of shingles and wood on my lawn?
FAO: Ah ... OK, I'm just accessing some additional information.
JH: I mean, I could just go to Home Depot and buy that crap.
FAO: Right. Let me see here. It says that the delivery company will assist you with the assembly.
JH: How many bathrooms does it have?
FAO: It says, let me see, it doesn't say how many bathrooms are in the playhouse.
JH: That's usually a standard feature of real estate, you list the number of bedrooms and bathrooms. Strange.
FAO: Right...
JH: What are the children's names?
FAO: I'm sorry?
JH: The children, in the picture. What are their names?
FAO: Oh, I honestly don't know that. They're just little actors.
JH: So the children don't come with the house?
FAO: [Pause] No.
JH: So it's $19,000 just for this house?
FAO: Yes.
JH: Are the children sold separately?
FAO: We don't sell children at FAO Schwarz.
JH: I'm sorry. You don't...?
FAO: No. It's against the law to do that.
JH: Not even a la carte?
FAO: [Very long pause] No. Do you need anything else?
JH: Well, this is sounding less and less attractive. A $19,000 playhouse is ... geez. Look: I just want to know that it's a comfortable place for the kids to live.
FAO: OK, well, it is supposed to be a playhouse, it's not supposed to be a place for children to live.
JH: [Pause] I'm sorry, I don't understand.
FAO: It's a playhouse. For children to play in.
JH: Come on. I'm looking at these kids in the picture, and it's very clear they're not playing. They're on their way to work or something.
FAO: I don't know what to tell you.
JH: They're probably working to pay off their mortgage.
FAO: Would you mind holding for one moment, sir?
JH: No, I think I'm good. I'm going to need to talk this over with the wife. Thanks for your help.
FAO: Thank you for calling FAO Schwarz.
The saddest thing is that we have wealthy parents buying these playhouses for their kids, when there's a world full of homeless midgets out there. Life just isn't fair.
Next: A $15,000 Pony For The Kids! >>
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