   PetGuard All-Natural Cat Food. I've never felt sorry for cats, until I ate a can of this shit. Somewhere into my fifth or sixth bite, my wife, who was taking pictures, said, "Spit it out if you want; don't feel obligated to swallow." Then she added, "I've heard that once or twice before," which caused me to snort some cat food up my nose. It struck me that it might taste better on some bread, so I made myself a sandwich (pictured). That helped, but sadly, cats can't make sandwiches. Taste: 1 out of 10 Aroma: 1 out of 10 Presentation: 1 out of 10    (Sorry, couldn't get a landscape version of that photo. Besides, it's funny to think of everyone tilting their heads.) LifeTree Bathroom Cleaner. A powerful medicinal smell washed over me when I opened the bottle; the overpowering pungency of lavender oil was enough to make my eyes water. And what better way to clean your bathroom than by smearing it with lavender? Who needs Comet or Soft Scrub to clean out those stubborn poo rings from the bowl? (Put a little 'Tussin on it.) On the other hand, this all-natural cleaning product both smelled and tasted about as close as you can get to chemical without using chemicals, so maybe it works. Hey, I'm not here to use it, I'm just here to taste it. Taste: 1 out of 10 Aroma: 1 out of 10 Presentation: 7 out of 10 (nice bottle)    Tick'd Off Tick Guard. "NO DEET!" advertised the label, which is probably synonymous with "TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE!" After the cat food, this insect repellent had a delightful mintiness (.6% peppermint oil), with hints of lemongrass and rosemary. It might make an excellent basting sauce, and we can assume that ticks would not be attracted to your barbecue (bonus). My friend Tom called during this portion of taste test, and asked, "Does it taste like chicken?" "No," I replied, "it tastes like a chicken marinade." Taste: 7 out of 10 Aroma: 9 out of 10 Presentation: 7 out of 10 The gastrointestinal effects of this taste test were severe. I don't know which of the products I consumed over the last few days did this to me (one reader said that aloe vera is a powerful laxative, so maybe it was the shampoo), but I spent an awful long time on the bowl last night. And I don't mean the cereal bowl, though at one point I was looking for additional vessels in case the toilet overflowed. Thank God I have that lavender bathroom cleaner. |
