Kal's Virility For Men is an "herbal supplement," or as I prefer to think of it, "a very expensive vitamin." ($19.99 for a bottle of 60 tablets.) Because it is an herbal supplement, and therefore totally ineffective, they can't make any hard (heh) claims, but the tablets have a bunch of wacky ingredients like "Adrenal Substance (bovine)," which I think means cow cum, and the aforementioned "Deer Antler," which we all know is an aphrodisiac ... if you are a deer. I was convinced that none of these ingredients would have an effect on me, so I poured the entire bottle into my hand, and downed the horse tablets with several shots of Kahlua. It is worth noting that my wife was away at work, so if I were to become uncontrollably virile, I would have to find a neighborhood dog ... like the guy pictured on the label.  Woof. Half an hour later, I had a most unusual experience. There was a warmth in my head and face, which at first I attributed to the Kahlua, until it became an intense burning, like the top of my head was on fire. I had a buzz on -- literally, my head was buzzing -- as the warmth spread through my eyes, ears, neck, and arms. I was waiting for the buzz to make its way down to Fresno, if you get my meaning, but it never did. After about an hour and a half, it just stopped. I wish I could report that I made my wife conceive septuplets that night, or that I impregnated a platypus, but the results were just not that exciting. I did perform oral on a neighborhood dog, but that was totally unrelated. The gastrointestinal effects of the experiment, however, were most unfortunate. I used the restroom later in the day and was shocked to find my urine radioactive yellow. I mean, I could have assembled a nuclear weapon out of my pee. That was not nearly as disturbing, however, as the intense GroganLoad(tm) I experienced several hours later. My wife came home from work to find me locked in the bathroom, groaning. "Are you OK?" she asked. "Honey," I said, "I think we may need to dynamite the toilet bowl." She did not find this a particularly virile statement, and it didn't help when I added, "We also might need some new wallpaper." When I emerged from the bathroom an hour later, my eyebrows partially singed, I knew from the look on her face that I would not be enjoying any virile activities for some time. |