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Spent the day with a bag of Doritos "Max" Nacho Cheese tortilla chips. I now had about twenty pounds of Olestra in my system, and I wasn't feeling loose at all. In fact, both Jade and I were stopped up tighter than ham in a can. Jade urged me to take a picture of her underwear to prove this point.  I spent quite a bit of time upon the Holy Throne, trying to urge my entrails to cough up their captive evil. No matter how I squeezed and grunted, nothing came forth. While I was relieved that my pants weren't filled with maple syrup, I was a little worried that I wasn't going to have anything to write about. So I visited a local pond, where I fed some chips to the birds. They loved the stuff -- pigeons, swans, ducks, didn't matter. Truly, Olestra is for the birds.  I went back to the pond the next day to look for signs of gastrointestinal distress, but there were none. |