One word: ewwww.

Subj: Question
Date: 96-06-18 14:09:03 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: letters@lipton.com
CC: Baked Ham

I was drinking a can of Lipton Brisk Iced Tea yesterday, and I noticed something strange. You guys brag all over the front of the can about "Natural Lemon Flavour." But on the side, in tiny print, it says "contains no fruit juice."

My question is, what part of the lemon are you using for the natural lemon flavour? The pulp? Seeds? Heaven forbid, the rind?

Awaiting a speedy reply,
John Myers Hargrave

P.S. And cut down on the sugar! It burns my throat!

Subj: Re: Question
Date: 96-07-15 10:29:03 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: letters@lipton.com
CC: Baked Ham

It's been a month since I asked my original question about your "Lemon" Flavoured beverage (attached), and I still haven't received a reply. What gives? Why set up an e-mail address if you're just going to ignore your loyal customers?

I'm thinking about switching to Snapple!
John Myers Hargrave

Subj: Re[2]: Question
Date: 96-07-15 11:52:24 EDT
From: Sheila.Elliot@tjlus.sprint.com
To: BakedHam@aol.com

I am so sorry - we don't seem to have received the original email.
We'll get an answer back to you promptly!

Subj: Re[1,233,253]: Question
Date: 96-08-01 16:41:33 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: Sheila.Elliot@tjlus.sprint.com
CC: Baked Ham

Sheila:

What's up with your customer service? I sent my original question in June, then a follow-up two weeks ago. You said you'd get an answer back to me promptly.

I'm beginning to think you don't know the answer! Do I have to call my local paper about this? I live in a small town, and they're often desperate for news. I'm sure the headline "LIPTON CORPORATION USING UNKNOWN LEMON PARTS IN TEA" would be mighty enticing!

Why are you ignoring me like this? Do you not care about the millions of Lipton tea drinkers on the Internet?

Switching to Mr. Pibb,
John Myers Hargrave

Subj: Natural Lemon Flavor
Date: 96-08-09 10:07:46 EDT
From: letters@lipton.com (lipton mail forward)
To: bakedham@aol.com

Dear Mr. Hargrave,

We're sorry for the delay in responding. Lemon juice, being the liquid squeezed from a lemon, contains sugars, acids, oils, and essence. Natural Lemon Flavor is prepared from the oils and the essences of lemons without the sugars and acids found in fresh squeezed lemon juice. Again, we apologize for the inconvenience and thank you for your patience and interest.

-your friends at Lipton