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Surely one of the most useless products on the planet are Raid ant traps. My wife and I recently had a little ant problem, and used these worthless plastic disks to get rid of the little ants. They did no good, and may have made our ant problem worse. I took out my frustration on the company by sending this prank e-mail via their feedback form.
Dear Raid:
Recently I bought a packege of Raid ant traps, putting them around the house to get rid of some pesky ants. After two weeks of use, not only were my ants still there, but they had grown LARGER!!! In the same way that roaches can survive a nucular holacoust, I think that Raid Ant Traps make the ants BIGGER and STRONGER. They take your magic ant juice back to their nests where they geneticlly GROW and become IMMUNE to death!!! One of the ants was the size of a squirrel, Im not kidding!!! I took some pictures of these MONSTER ANTS and would like to send them to you, since I think it was Raid Ant Traps that did it. I am scared to leaev my house since the ants are waiting for me outside!!
Please help, Raid!
Love,
Jim,
Thank you for your recent email regarding RAID Ant Baits. We always
appreciate hearing from our consumers.
There is nothing in our baits that would enable ants to grow. If you have
concerns regarding ants of the size you mentioned, I suggest you contact a
local pest control specialist for assistance.
Please contact us again if we can be of further assistance.
Kathleen T.
Since my last message to you these ants have grown HUGER and HUGER!!! you guys do not understnad the seriouesness of this situation. THE ANTS ARE ATTACKING THE NIEGHBORS, WHO HAVE TO BEAT THEM OFF WITH BROOMS. I think RAID is to blame!! I would not want to be you guys if someone decides to sue!
I have taken a snapshot of one of these ants which may come in handy as evidence in court.....I am attaching it to this message.
We should at least get some free bug spray or something!! Sincerly,
P.S. Also, the ants are talking to me. Dear Mr. Hargrave:
Your experience related to the use of RAID Ant Baits have been referred to me.
To help you, we need additional information. Because I am not able to reach you by phone, please feel free to call me at 1-888-310-2323, Monday - Friday. When you do call, please refer to your reference no. 5113344.
I look foward to speaking with you in the near future.
Anne
ANNE:
I DO NOT NO HOW TO TELL YOU ABOUT ANTS MORE ARE ATTACKING PLEASE HEKLP THERE ARE ANTS ALL OVER MY LAWN AND IN MY BRAIN THE UNVIERSE IS SWARMING WITH THEM IT IS A HIDOUES NIGHTMAIR RAID ANT TRAPS CAUSED THIS CATATSROPHEE PLEASE HELP PLEASE HELP PLEASE HELP!!!
SEE ATTACHED PICTURE: NEWSCREWS WILL BE FILMING RAID ANT STORY TONIGHT AT 11, ALSO ON TH EBILL WILL BE FOUR HORSEMENT OF APOCOLIPSE AND EVIL CORPOROTE INTERSTS I SUGGEST YOU WRITE BACK (NOT A FORM LETTER) AN OFFICIAL RESPONSE!!! RAID IS REPSONEBILE FOR THIS MESS!!!
JIM OHNHARGRAVE
Dear Mr. Hargrave:
Thank you for your most recent note.
So we can discuss your situation, please feel free to call me at 1-888-310-2323, Monday - Friday. When you call, please refer to your Case No. 5113344.
I look foward to speaking to you.
Anne
I didn't receive a response, but it doesn't matter: this one goes down in the ZUG archives as the longest prank e-mail correspondence to date. I don't know who's more persistent: the folks at Raid, or those freaking ants inside my kitchen.
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