Outgoing Mail

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

What's the best gag, trick, prank, stunt or shenanigan you ever pulled -- or had pulled on YOU? We'd like to publish your story here for the enjoyment of laugh-hungry people around the world.
E-mail us at buzz@rubberchicken.com. Please include your name, city and country (if outside the U.S.) We will omit your name if you ask (who knows, maybe you're in a witness-protection program or something).

"The Sneeze," by Frog353410@aol.com "Remember the old sneezer? Get your hands wet, sneak up behind someone, and, as you make a big, wet sneezing noise, flick water on the back of their neck. You'd be surprised at the looks you get. If you don't quickly explain the gag, however, your life might never be the same."

"A Revolting Development," by Tim Nyberg

"We used to live in a townhouse complex, a few houses away from good friends who were often the victims of our practical jokes (including switching all of the furniture in their house from one floor to the other while we were house-sitting for them; and removing and hiding their bags of groceries from their open car when they were bringing bags into the house).

Once, when they were on vacation, we received a letter from the townhouse association about something trivial. I copied the letterhead and typed up a letter of extreme concern from the association president regarding the proposed building of a 20-lane bowling alley and nightclub on a vacant lot adjacent to our nice quiet little complex. I replaced our friends' letter from the association with the fake one. When they read the letter, they went through the roof! They called the city hall, the zoning commission, their parents..."

"Bathroom Wakeup Call," by Duckee Tommsen

"My Dad falls asleep in the bathroom all the time, leaving the light on and the door closed.
I put either Skippy crunchy peanut butter or Smucker's Strawberry Jam on the inside of the doorknob (being careful not to wake him).
Then I slowly close the door and turn off the light switch. I pound on the door and swear at him about hogging the bathroom all night. He jumps up off the throne and grabs the doorknob to rush out. You guessed it. He screams severely at me and I bolt for the front door and run outside, hoping he won't catch me.
ps: This has worked for many years."

"The Wedding Guests" by Christopher Jackson

"One gag I did through the mail involved the RSVP of a wedding invitation. First, I told the groom that we had lost the invitation, but would be coming to the wedding. Then I filled out the RSVP card with a phony name, saying that our family of eight would be delighted to attend.

I sent the card across the country to Walla Walla, Wash., and asked the postmaster to postmark it and return it through the mail, which they did.

At the end of the wedding reception, I told the groom about the prank. He said he and his bride had been wondering all night exactly who this family of eight from Walla Walla was!"

"Fruit Flies and Stewed Chickens," by Robin Allen ("the queen of practical jokes")

"1. Hide some overripe fruit in someone's desk at work, and watch them start swatting the fruit flies!

2. Fax or mail a buddy's resume to all the pizza joints and newspapers, asking for a delivery position. It really works. A friend of mine, a software engineer, got five job offers!

3. Throw a stewing chicken into your neighbor's hot tub. Make sure they find it soon, though, because if the gizzards get into the filter, it's all over!

4. Wait until dark and stack the neighbor's firewood against the front door. When he or she goes to get the morning newspaper, they're blocked in!"

"Welcome Back," by Leo Toribio

"A young, rookie salesman in our office took his first vacation. On the day prior to his scheduled return, we went down the hall to an office of another company and borrowed a nameplate from an employee there. Then we placed all personal items from the rookie salesman's desk in a large box on the floor, and put the new nameplate on his desk."

"Heavy Phone Call," by David Glantz

"Go to a chemical supply warehouse and purchase a small container of lead pellets (it usually looks like a plastic jar of vitamins). Now all you need is some cotton and a chance to sneak into the office of your victim on a daily basis.

Take apart the receiver of the phone and stuff some cotton in there, so that the lead pellets don't rattle around. Now, each day, put one pellet or two in the receiver for a couple of weeks. You don't want to put too many pellets in at a time, or the victim will realize that something is wrong.

Sooner or later, your victim will soon start complaining about loss of arm strength, iron-poor blood, or perhaps low levels of vitality!

ps: You might want to tell the victim about the joke after a couple of weeks (and you DIDN'T get this idea from me!)"

"Bar Stunt," by Richard Vogel

"I've had this one pulled on me so many times by a close friend that I HAD to submit this one:

You offer to buy your "victim" a drink (a dark-colored one is good... a large Coke is best).
Have your friend wait for you while you get the drink from the bar. Take a large straw, remove the wrapper (assuming the bar uses wrapped straws, of course. If they don't, substitute a piece of paper napkin), wad the paper into the straw and insert the straw into the drink, paper end down. Then helpfully deliver the drink to your friend and watch his expression as a mysterious gob lands in his mouth."

"Sit-up Contest," by Jason Wannamaker

"You need three people, two who are in on the prank.
One of the two says that he can hypnotize someone so that they can't do a sit-up. He tells the second person (who is in on the joke) to lie down.

He blindfolds the one on the ground, does a little hypnotism stuff with his hands and then tells the person on the ground to do a sit-up. Of course, he can't do it.

Next, blindfold the "victim" and tell him to lie down. Then, dangle something disgusting (you decide what) above his face. Tell him he might be able to break the spell if he jerks up. When he does, his face smacks into the disgusting stuff."

"Dirty Quarter Trick," by Katie Linn

"I got this from the original rubber chicken book.
Take two quarters and a pencil. Rub pencil lead on the the edge, all the way around one quarter; leave the other one with nothing on it.
Talk to your victim about any subject. As you talk, pull out the unmarked quarter and roll it casually down your face. Remark that "Hey, that feels weird."
When he or she askes to try it, give 'em the other quarter (with the lead on it). When they roll it down their face, they'll have a nice, black line."

"The Credit Card," by Karen Zaruba

"A friend had given me his credit card while we were out at a bar --I can't remember why, maybe to keep himself from using it. He forgot to get it back from me; the next day, I discovered it in my purse. I just KNEW he'd be wondering, the next time he looked in his wallet, where it went.

So I called his answering machine and, disguising my voice, identified myself as a customer service rep from that credit card company. I told him that his recent plane-ticket purchase had put him way over his credit limit, but that we had elected to simply up his limit by another $5000 rather than penalize him. I finished by saying "We hope you'll enjoy that trip to Hawaii!" and hung up.

He panicked and called the card company to follow up, but of course they'd never heard of the phony name I used. And they reassured him that HIS account was most certainly NOT a candidate for having his credit line increased."

"Oldies but Goodies," by John Myers Hargrave

"1) Point to someone's shirt and say "you've got a little mustard (or ketchup or grease, etc.) there." When they look down, gently poke your finger in their eye!!
2) Say "Guess what?" When the person asks, "What?" say "chicken butt!" (OR: say "Guess why?" "Why?" "Chicken thigh!")
3) Say, "Did you know the word gullible isnt in the dictionary?" Most people fall for that, even if they're smart!!"

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