Clearly their marketing focus is "gnarly teenagers" who have undergone pre-frontal lobotomies.

I wrote this e-mail via their feedback form.

For eight years I have allowed my children to drink only Coca-Cola. Pepsi is strictly out of the question, because it is clear by their advertising that it is not an "adult-friendly" beverage.

Until today, when I came to this site. Rubbish! Look at your opening pages: "full body tattoo"? "Way high ups"? "Quaff"? "Diggable"? "Cool"?

And what is with those graphics, done in a childish scrawl! From PepsiCo I might have expected this, but not you! No grownups allowed, indeed!

If this is what Coca-Cola has become, I want no part of it. From now on, my family will only drink Lipton Brisk Iced Tea.

If you want to win me back, I demand an adult-oriented section on the Coca-Cola web site, including stock updates, fall fashions, and a travel reservation service.

Angrily,
John Myers Hargrave

I got no response, so I held my nose and visited the site again. This time I discovered that there are two parts to the Coca-Cola site: a "wacky" part for brain-damaged kids, and a "serious" part for people who actually own stock in the company. Why didn't they tell me this?

I sent the next e-mail via the "serious" feedback form.

One month ago I wrote the ageists in the "miscellany and frivolity" area, pointing out that the Coca-Cola Web site is adultphobic. I have yet to receive a reply from them. (Big surprise there.)

Then I returned today, and found this "serious" part of the site. Now THIS is more like it! News! Stock and earnings! Scholars foundation! I have no doubt that you will respond in a prompt, concise manner.

So what's going on here? Why do you have these yahoos running the other part of the site? They're turning your company into PepsiCo, is what they're doing! Out with the rascals! Out, I say!

Still waiting,
John Myers Hargrave

I still got no response. Maybe the site is run by gnarly teenagers.