One more reason the World Wide Web sucks: at least when you get junk snail mail, it's proofread.

Subj: Cajun
Date: 97-01-19 08:12:14 EST
To: Baked Ham

Hi, my name is Isadore Carret and I sell a Cajun Joke Book (Boudreaux and Thibodeaux) and Cajun Cookbook. and Wind-up/Solar Powered AM?FM Radio than needs no Batteries

If you would like more information Please Reply and write MORE
If you do not want me to EMail you again Please Reply and write NO
If you would like to get Mail for other products Please Reply and write OTHER

Thank you,-
Isadore Carret

I did an AltaVista search on "Isadore Carret" and found Isadore's Web page, complete with e-mail address. Now, if someone will explain what those women have to do with BBQ Beer Shrimp, my life will be complete.

Subj: Errors!
Date: 97-01-23 10:17:19 EST
From: Baked Ham
To: ICarret
CC: Baked Ham
Sent on: AOL 3.0 16-bit for Windows sub 38

Isadore:

I recently received your junk e-mail, and was dismayed to find it riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. You're giving the Cajun race a bad name, Isadore! Just because you talk funny is no excuse for poor English!

You begin the letter with a run-on sentence.

Next: "Joke Book" should not be capitalized unless it is the name of the book, in which case you should say, "I sell the 'Cajun Joke Book.'"

Next, the random appearance of the words "Boudreaux and Thibodeaux" in parenthesis. Some explanation of what these are would be helpful. Wine? Cajun bands? French actors?

"Cookbook" does not need to be capitalized (see previous remark).

You have a period after "cookbook," then you begin another sentence with a non-capitalized "and." This is unforgivable.

The next few words are: "and Wind-up/Solar Powered AM?FM Radio than needs no Batteries" This is not a sentence, it is a traffic accident. For shame, Isadore!

In the next sentence, you need a comma after "If you would like more information".

The next sentence contains various capitalization errors, and you need another comma.

The final sentence has a capitalization error, and once again is missing that pesky comma.

Finally, you close with both a comma and a hyphen. Only one is necessary, though the comma is preferred.

I have corrected your original e-mail, and ask that you send it out again with apologies. Please let me know when you have done this.

Thank you,
John Myers Hargrave

----------------------------------------------

Hi! My name is Isadore Carret, and I sell a Cajun joke book and a Cajun cookbook. And, although it has nothing to do with the Cajun lifestyle, I also sell a solar-powered AM/FM radio.

If you would like more information on these products, please reply to this message and write "MORE" in the subject area.

If you do not want me to e-mail you again, please reply to this message and write "NO" in the subject area.

If you would like to get mail for other products, please reply to this message with "OTHER" in the subject area.

Thank you,
Isadore Carret

My generous act of love had little effect, as I received another junk e-mail a few days later.

Subj: Wind-up/Solar Radio
Date: 97-01-29 12:12:03 EST
To: Baked Ham

Wind-Up, Solar-Powered Emergency Radio

See it at http://pages.prodigy.com/solarradio.

Wind-up, solar-powered radios have been featured in the news as an absolute necessity in the home for use in such emergencies as floods, hurricanes, earthquakes, or other natural disasters to keep informed of the latest developments and local news.

Carry it during out door activities like camping, fishing or boating to keep you updated on storm warnings or weather changes.

AM?FM reception in a size that fits pocket or purse. Jusy 7" x 3" x 3" weighs 10 ounces. Built in flashlight and flasher unit. Totaly self powered by Wind-up Dynamo and Solar Cell that stores energy in the built in Ni-Cad batteries for continuous light and radio operation. Can also be used with 2 AA batteries for everyday use.

Introductory price is just $39.95 plus S&H.

To see a picture of the radio and specifications click on hyperlink. http://pages.prodigy.com/soarradio

To Order
Send:$39.95 plus $5.00 S&H ($44.95) US$

Payable to: Electronic Response Systems, 600 A W Admiral Doyle Dr.
New Iiberia, La 70560
Sorry we are unable to accept major credit cards at this time.
(CHECK OR MONEY ORDER, NO CASH PLEASE.)

Distributor Inquries Welcome.

Subj: Re: Wind-up/Solar Radio
Date: 97-02-03 12:35:00 EST
From: Baked Ham
To: ICarret
CC: Baked Ham
Sent on: AOL 3.0 16-bit for Windows sub 38

Isadore:

Not only did you not respond to my last message (in which I graciously corrected the grammatical and spelling errors of your junk e-mail), but you've sent me another one, even more atrocious than the first! I am attaching all our correspondence below, and must demand a Cajun-style apology.

I just don't have time to thoroughly correct this one, Isadore. Let me just make some general notes, and I'll leave you to it:

- You refer to it as "solar-powered" in the first paragraph, then as "self-powered." Inconsistent.

- "Outdoor" is one word, not two.

- Again, it's not "AM?FM," it's "AM/FM." Perhaps your SHIFT key is stuck?

- "Just" is not spelled "Jusy."

- "Totally" has two L's.

- "Distributor Inquries Welcome." Why are these words capitalized?

Listen Isadore, I want to offer my services as a proofreader for all your future mailings. You Cajun folks may make good food, but you can't spell worth crap! My price is reasonable -- $1 per word.

Please get back to me at once, Isadore. I need to hear from you.

With anticipat-yone,
John Myers Hargrave

I never heard back from old Isadore.

Subj: Sorry!
Date: 97-02-10 14:00:08 EST
From: Baked Ham
To: ICarret
CC: Baked Ham
Sent on: AOL 3.0 16-bit for Windows sub 38

Isadore:

I've been writing to you for several weeks, and you haven't responded. So I had no choice but to make my proofreading services available to others.

I met a Chinese girl named Julie who is selling an Asian Book of Humor and a wind-up back scratcher and door chime over the Internet. Her English isn't so good, so I'm going to help her out with her junk mailings.

Goodbye,
John Myers Hargrave