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Play That Dr. Funk, White Boy |
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If only I could get on more junk e-mail lists, my life would be complete. It's not that these direct e-mail marketers write rambling, twelve-page "ads." it's not their SEEMINGLY RANDOM use of UPPER-case WORDS and constint misspelings. It's their utter lack of knowledge about the friggin' Internet, their chosen medium! I realize this one is long, but try to get through it. It proves the intelligence of the junk e-mail boys, once and for all. Subj: Heal
As a business owner for the past 30 years, I have never
experienced such a simple strategy to create additional fast cash
flow, which will not detract from or conflict with the way I run
my present business. I have personally seen incomes ranging from
$10,0000 to $22,000 per month within less than 120 days. I know
that sounds ludicrous, as it did to me at first, but thank
goodness that at this stage of my life I was still open-minded
enough to listen to the FREE audio cassette, "Dead Doctors Don't
Lie" (Learn how 300,000 people are being killed in Hospitals each
year!)
If you are not experiencing a LOW STRESS , non-confrontational
income producing method that has people calling you with orders
for your products and asking to join your business, it's time to
call me and request a free copy of the amazing tape, Dead Doctors
Don't Lie. E-mail your request to chirosft@ix.netcom.com or Fax
(916)-482-4256 with your complete name and mailing address.
(Please include phone number in the event we don't understand
your message)
What have you got to lose ? Subj: Re: Heal
Boy, this offer sounds great! I'd love to get that free audio tape about
dead doctors! Send it on! My e-mail address is bakedham@aol.com.
I need to ask you about your name, Dr. Funk. I once knew a DJ in New York
City who went by the name of Doctor Funk. I realize "Dr. Funk" and "Doctor
Funk" are two different names, but perhaps you shorten it for the sake of
space? Or perhaps it's a pseudonym for your other business ventures?
Man, you were something. Playing that dance music the whole night long at
your club, General Hospital. It took me a while to get THAT joke - you were
the Doctor, and the club was your Hospital! Great one, Doctor Funk!
One time I remember this girl came in wearing a live snake, as girls will do
in Grenwich Village. You yelled into your microphone (as you were wont to
do), "Do we have any funky boys in this house?" And all the guys yelled,
"YEAH!" Then you screamed, "Do we have any booty-shakin' girls in the
house?" And all the ladies screamed, "YEAH!" Then you hollered, "Do we have
any snakes in the house?!" And - as if on cue - the snake jumped out of the
woman's arms and bit this guy on the ass. It was some sort of poisonous
viper, and you had to stop the music and rush over to help the snake bite
victim. Everyone wanted you to help the guy, but we found out you weren't a
licensed doctor at all. It was just an act. I heard the guy eventually
died, so maybe that's what your dead doctors tape is all about.
Doctor Funk, how has your career been since that guy died? Did you find
another job? I heard the General Hospital eventually went out of business -
is that true? How did you get the name Doctor Funk?
Send on that free tape, Doctor Funk! I'm eager to make more money!
John Myers Hargrave Subj: Dead Drs. Tape
Dr. Funk asked me to respond to your email. Dr. Funk is not the
character you spoke off in your message, however the show sounded like
alot of fun. Dr. Funk is a Chiropracter, he's been my Dr. for 15 yrs.
Your message did not include an address to send the tape too, if you
send me it I'll forward the tape to you ASAP. If you're really eager to
make money, better call me.
Thanks
Todd Setzer
916 484-0810 tel
916 485-8181 fax Subj: Re: Dead Drs. Tape
You better believe it, Todd! Doctor Funk was the booty-shakin' king of New
York City! Man, was he something.
Are you SURE this is not the same Doctor Funk? I only ask because I know
celebrities sometimes deny their true identities. Perhaps he doesn't want
his early DJ career to influence people into thinking he's a bad
Chiropracter?
At any rate, I'd like to order three copies of the tape. I have a bad back
caused in part by the dancing I did to the bottom-shaking music of Doctor
Funk. Please send the tapes to my e-mail address, which I DID give you in my
last letter: bakedham@aol.com. If the tapes are good, I'll order seventeen
more.
Thanks Todd!
Subj: Re: Dead Drs. Tape
No it is not the same DR. Funk. How do you send a tape to an e-mail
address, when you figure it out let me know otherwise the tapes have to
go through snail mail these are audio tapes.
Subj: Re: Dead Drs. Tape
Listen, I understand that Doctor Funk wants to keep his identity a secret.
But I don't know if I can trust a Chiropracter who won't even tell the truth
about what he did in his previous career! C'mon, Todd! What are the odds
that there would be TWO Doctor Funks in the world?
Anyway, I'm still very interested in the tapes, but I had no idea they were
CASSETTE tapes! Why is Doctor Funk trying to sell cassettes through e-mail?
Can you record the cassette tapes into sound files and send them to me
through e-mail? Any sound format is fine, but I prefer JPG files.
Hurry! My back is killing me!
Subj: Re: Dead Drs. Tape
HaHa
Sorry, you want the FREE tape, you can only get it through snail mail.
Too bad about the back.
Subj: Re: Dead Drs. Tape
I figured it out YOU'RE THE REAL DR. FUNK, don't you have anything
better to do than ramble around the NET????? Too bad about the back,
some people love the pain - no cure for you.
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