Really, it's no worse than those commercials featuring starving children in Africa.

Subj: Heart warming
Date: 97-01-05 14:35:25 EST
From: security@ally.ios.com (Charles Lufkin)
To: security@ally.ios.com

Please pardon our intrusion. We believe you would like to receive our periodic public interest notes. We don't claim that what we are sending is original, just heart warming. We expect to send new messages each month. If you wish to be removed from future e-mails from our company please reply with the word "remove" in the subject line. We will never send you anything more. Thank you and please have a happy new year.

Subject: Happiness IS.....
============================================
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read " Puppies For Sale". Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. " How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, " Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. " I have $2.37," he said. " Can I please look at them?"

The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. " That is the little puppy that I want to buy." The store owner said, " No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, " I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, " You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To this, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, " Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"

In life, it does not matter what happens to you - good or bad. It depends on how you treasure the good and react to the bad.

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First of all, how could the store owner not notice the boy was crippled in the first place? And why would he parade a dog that he didn't even want to sell? Furthermore, what kind of pet store parades dogs down the aisle for customers?

I was ready to forgive the plot flaws. I just wanted to see how seriously these sponsors took the message of the story. I visited the sponsors' sites, got their e-mail addresses, and fired off this message.

Subj: Re: Heart warming
Date: 97-01-08 15:55:48 EST
From: Baked Ham
To: hrothberg@alarmcentral.com, clufkin@4cdm.com
CC: Baked Ham

I think you should know that I received a very offensive e-mail advertising your sites. The story was about a boy who received polio from being bitten by a rabid dog. It was awful! My mother read it, and she began to cry!

Oh yes, and the boy was poor, too!

Please find out who sent this horrible message!

I've lost my faith in humanity!
John Myers Hargrave

Subj: Re: Heart warming
Date: 97-01-08 21:37:12 EST
From: hrothberg@mx.alarmcentral.com
To: BakedHam@aol.com

Please forward a copy of the full e-mail.
WARNING: It is a federal offence to commit liable and use the internet to spread the liable.
Unless you are prepared to prove this we will turn this over to our lawyers to proceed with a liable suit against you and your mother.
A copy of this e-mail is being sent to the F.B.I. to investigate.

Apparently, it does not matter what happens to you -- good or bad. It depends on how you treasure the good and inform the F.B.I. on the bad.

Subj: Re: Re: Heart warming
Date: 97-01-14 10:37:47 EST
From: Baked Ham
To: hrothberg@alarmcentral.com, clufkin@4cdm.com
CC: Baked Ham

Please, GOD, NO! I swear, I was only making it up! PLEASE DO NOT SEND A COPY OF THIS LETTER TO THE F.B.I. I'm begging you, man! It was a practical joke! I did not mean to commit liable! I could be held libel for that, you know!

I'm not kidding! I could really get in trouble for this! Please DON'T prosecute my mother! She had nothing to do with it! It was all my fault! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, I'M BEGGING YOU!

The original story WAS heartwarming! It was about a crippled kid who loved his adorable crippled dog! It brought tears to my eye! I had to swallow down the lump in my throat all day, I swear! God bless you for using crippled kids to sell your products -- they make me weep! Just don't tell the F.B.I. I said otherwise!

God bless you, sir, and may your alarm companies prosper!

John Myers Hargrave
Upstanding Citizen of the United States of America

Sarcasm translates so poorly into print.