I fired off this prank e-mail to Hershey Foods, a company which conveniently does not have an e-mail address listed anywhere on their site. I had to track down the tech guy at Hershey's who registered the domain name and send it to him.

Brian:

I've been looking everywhere for an e-mail address for Hershey's, and yours was the only one I could find. Are you guys trying to hide from the law?

I have an urgent question I need to ask someone at Hershey's, and I'd appreciate if you could pass it along for me. I was recently eating a Reese's Nutrageous bar, and my 13 year old son told me that "nut" is a slang term for the male testicle. Is this true? If so, why in the Lord's name would you name a candy bar after a testicle? I spit out the rest of my Nutrageous, I was so disgusted!

Now you listen up, Brian, and you listen good: I need an explanation for this from Hershey's (preferably a vice-president or higher). My family purchases over $2,500 worth of chocolate from your company each year through a church fundraising program, and I don't want to have to tell our pastor that we're selling a candy bar named after the male organ!

I don't eat real testicles, and I won't eat yours even if they are dipped in chocolate and nougat!

Jim Ohnhargrave

I thought the guys over at Hershey's would really have a ball with this one. I didn't receive a response, so I followed up.

Brian:

I still haven't received a response to my e-mail, which is quite disappointing. I have always enjoyed your products, until my son told me that your "Nutrageous" bar is named after the human testes. That, sir, is disgusting. I will interpret your silence to mean that this rumor is true, and I will promptly inform my pastor so that we may discontinue the Hershey's fundraising programs at our church. He has told me on several occasions that he is no fan of candy bars named after the male sexual organ.

What other filthy candy names should we expect from you, Brian? "Balltastic"? "Choadrific"? "Scrotum Surprise"?

I'm beginning to wonder if "Hershey's Special Dark" is named after racists!

I suppose I should have seen this coming after that perverted movie "Looking for Mr. Goodbar,"
Jim Ohnhargrave

I never heard anything from Hershey's. Maybe they're too busy playing with their Nutrageouses.