Being in the World Wide Web business, we get more junk e-mail than you'd believe. This stuff is pure crap, riddled with typos and grammatical errors. It seems only fitting, then, that I should terrorize them in return.

Subj: Security
Date: 95-09-26 18:43:31 EDT
From: johnm@alaskan.com
To: mshower@aol.com

Secure Web transfers from unsecure sites

"Security for Everyone" is a simple and secure method for users to submit information (credid card data primarally) to merchants operating from a non-secure server. This method utilizes a secure server (the proxy) or CCGEN to encrypt the information using PGP and return it to the merchant for decryption. It is seamless to the user and in most cases they will not know a proxy interceded on your behalf.It provides security to the merchant with encrypted email or fax.

PGP is required by the merchant to decode the information. Free versions are available for non-commercial uses or a commercial version by ViaCrypt is for all users that reside within US or Canada. Those residing outside can use the international versions if the laws of their countries permit the use of encryption.

If you have an intrest please check out http://alaskan.com/rateinfo/proxy.html.

Subj: Huh?
Date: 95-10-03 15:03:05 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: johnm@alaskan.com
CC: Baked Ham

What's PGP? Does this involve me? Am I in some sort of trouble?

Please reply as soon as possible, as this message scared me.

John Myers Hargrave

Subj: RE: Huh?
Date: 95-10-03 16:04:11 EDT
From: johnm@alaskan.com

No..... trouble will send more later...

Subj: Stop it!
Date: 95-10-04 09:12:54 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: johnm@alaskan.com
CC: Baked Ham

>>No..... trouble will send more later...

What does this mean? Would you please stop sending cryptic messages to my mailbox? Do I have to call the police?

Beginning today, I am alerting my friends and family to ignore messages from a johnm@alaskan.com. I think you're a criminally insane mastermind that is out to destroy us all.

John Myers Hargrave