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If you don't have an account on America Online, you have no idea how bad junk e-mail can be. It is an unstoppable tide of crap. What's worse, these companies are getting more sleazy by the day. This company, Fn Mail, sent me an e-mail disguised as a letter from a friend named "Sharon." I was hopping mad about this one.
Subj: Been Busy...
Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner..
With school and everything I have been busier than heck! ;-)
welllllll.. I finally got my email straightened out.. damn numbers they gave
me got me all confused, my address at home with AOL is different than school
and the provider is different than anything else.. I spent all my time going
from one place to another checking mail and then I gave people my wrong
address! whew......Stop LOL!
Jerry the other night gave me the answer.. FnMail .. so now all my mail goes
to them and they forward it to every mail box for me and would you believe
they do it with all the nicknames I have..It's great.. and they started a new
web thing so Ican get my email when I go home or when I come to your place
and use your computer.
They have a new chat area called Yak..yak! meet me there Sunday Nite at 10
PM..It's a freebee and it's real time. So til then..
Oh yes.. forgot http://www.fnmail.com
Sharon
First I responded to "Sharon."
Subj: Re: Been Busy...
Sharon:
Well, it's about time you wrote back! You left all your bondage gear over at
my apartment. I'll have you know the pastor came to visit the very next day!
You should have seen his face when he saw the array of flesh-coloured butt
plugs neatly laid out on the kitchen table like ducks in a row. I've been
excommunicated!
School, my ass! Don't try to give me that crap about school! You don't just
go into someone's house, squirt two gallons of personal lubricant in the
aquarium, and then leave it there for two weeks because of "school"!
The smell is horrible. I've tried everything to get rid of it. I blame it
on you, Sharon.
I am writing this company you claim to represent, FnMail, and I am telling
them to STAY AWAY! You think you can try that autoerotic asphyxiation crap
on their CEO, don't you? Maybe you already have, you little serpent, maybe
you already have.
I'll see that they know, Sharon. Oh yes. I'm coming after you.
John
Next, I responded to the Fn Mail webmaster.
Subj: Fwd: Been Busy...
Dear Webmaster:
This woman, Sharon, is claiming to represent your company. I know her
personally, and she is a sexual deviate of the highest order. She has twice
been arrested for sexual misdemeanors, and once spent four days in a mental
hospital.
Quite simply, she is a con artist. She typically makes contact with her
marks via e-mail, claiming to represent some company, usually a technological
startup. When someone writes her back, she offers to make a "sales call,"
always at a location of her choosing. She seduces the mark -- matters not
whether male or female -- and attempts to move in with him or her.
From there, she coerces the person into daily sexual rituals, which I don't
want to describe in detail, as I have been in therapy for several months,
trying to grapple with the memories. Suffice it to say that it involves
urination, bondage, and more than a few ferrets.
I must insist that you take IMMEDIATE action against Sharon. I have no idea
how many people she e-mailed with this message, but apparently she rents
mailing lists. I will assist you in any way possible, but I demand that you
let me know how you have resolved this matter.
John Myers Hargrave
When Fn Mail didn't respond after a week, I upped the ante.
Subj: Re: Fwd: Been Busy...
Dear Fnmail Webmaster:
I am extremely disappointed that you have not responded to my original
message (attached below). Perhaps I have not fully conveyed the seriousness
of this situation.
My lawyer suggests that I do not step in to help until I receive a response
from you, so I ask that you at least confirm receipt of this message.
Ideally, you would tell me the steps you are taking to combat this menace
named Sharon.
Please let me know.
Subj: Re: Fwd: Been Busy...
She has been terminated!!! I apologize for the inconvenience.
Kevin Walsh ( kevinw@fnmail.com )
I took this as an admission of guilt. But, I wasn't going to let Mr. Kevin Walsh get off that easy. I made up a fake e-mail address (otherwise known as "screen names" on America Online), and fired off another message.
Subj: Article
I am a columnist for "Testing," a magazine covering the effects of digital
technology upon society. I'm doing a piece on e-mail harrassment, and am
trying to follow up on the case of John Myers Hargrave.
Mr. Hargrave wrote you a few weeks ago, informing you that a woman named
Sharon was harrassing him through e-mail, claiming to be employed by
AdvanceNet Corporation. Kevin Walsh wrote back, implying that she had been
_employed_ by AdvanceNet, and was now terminated.
I'm trying to set the matter straight. If, indeed, you hired this woman,
could you provide me with an official statement on how she came to use
AdvanceNet's e-mail system, and why she was terminated?
My deadline for the piece is this Friday the 13th, so I'd appreciate an
answer by then.
David Price
I never received a response to this message. I think it would be funny for a bunch of people to write Fn Mail, pretending to be interested in their product. Ideally, these people would use fake e-mail addresses and call themselves "Sharon." 
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