SEX & MEN SURVEY: 6,000 Men Confess Everything You Always Wanted To Know
First of all, how can 6,000 men confess something? Was it a group confession, or did each of them confess individually? How do we know that some of them weren't actually proud of their statements? Wouldn't that lower the total number of confessions?
It's great that they finally got men to quit being so damn secretive about their sexual preferences. That's the great thing about us: we don't ogle women with large breasts, or firm, sculpted rear ends. We're classy -- unlike those disgusting, leering females.
But the ultimate question I have about this headline is: did the men really confess everything? To find out, I sent this prank e-mail into the editors of Marie Claire:
Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 11:33:22 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Your recent issue
To: marieclaire@hearst.com
Dear Marie Claire:
I was very disappointed by your recent issue. On the cover, you advertised "SEX & MEN SURVEY: 6,000 Men Confess Everything You Always Wanted To Know." However, you failed to reveal several important things that I've always wanted to know:
- Why do so many men like it when you step on their scrotums with high heels?
- What do you do if your slave can't say his or her "safe word" because there's a spiked leather ball stuffed into his mouth?
- What is the best brand of double-dong dildo?
Unless you can answer these questions, I am switching to Cosmopolitan.
Jane Hargrave
Shockingly, I never received a response.
The consolation prize, however, is that while looking for the answer to my question on the Marie Claire website, I found their sex message board, which is both hot and hilarious at the same time. For instance, check out this conversation about one reader who masturbates with a stuffed animal. Or this one about a woman discovering that her boyfriend watches porn. Or my favorite, about a soccer mom's experience with anal sex.
From the looks of it, 6,000 men don't need to confess everything you always wanted to know. The readers of Marie Claire already know it all, the dirty sluts.
