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Free E-Mail ... Or Is It? Outgoing Otto

Juno is one of these new free e-mail services. Apparently the only cost is ONE HUMAN SOUL! MWAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!



Subj: WIRED ad
Date: 96-06-18 14:09:02 EDT
From: Baked Ham
To: info@juno.com
CC: Baked Ham

Juno:

I saw your latest ad in WIRED, the text of which reads like this:

"Charlie -- Sergei seems to be driving a hard bargain. We need to play to his weaknesses, of which he has two -- American dollars and American ice cream. Promise him the former and feed him the latter. There's a place just outside the Kievskaya Metro Station that makes a pretty decent banana split. Get him the deluxe with a cherry on top. We'll own him."

I just wanted to congratulate you on promoting the concept of "owning." Here at the American Slavery Organization, we are campaigning for the return of slavery, albeit in a modernized form. It is ridiculous that minorities continue to wallow in unemployment and poverty while the privileged have a genuine need for additional labor.

Would you be interested in becoming the official e-mail company of the ASO? We'd be sure to promote you at every opportunity.

I will be happy to send you more information upon request.

Let me know,
John Myers Hargrave
American Slavery Organization



Subj: Our ad in WIRED
Date: 96-06-22 02:28:01 EDT
From: charlesa@juno.com
Reply-to: charlesa@juno.com
To: bakedham@aol.com

Thanks very much for your note. I appreciate your taking the time to write.

I hope you didn't take great offense at the ad you saw. As I hope was obvious, its intent was comic; the phrase "We'll own him" was idiomatic, not literal; and we had no intent to make fun of or belittle unemployment or poverty. The idea was simply to have some fun with the idea of how e-mail has become a part of international communication and business communication, even down to the wheeling and dealing of entrepreneurs from different parts of the world. Some bits of humor come off better than others, of course, and if this one sat poorly with you, I apologize.

I hope you liked the previous month's ad, with the pig farmer, better.

Best regards,

Charles Ardai
President
Juno Online Services, L.P.

fo'ward