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Let's set the record straight: there is no such thing as nacho cheese. There is no region in France, for instance, that specializes in the cultivation of Nacho. You won't go to a dinner party and find a lovely baked Nacho next to the crudites and crab puffs.

Nacho cheese is a creamy, delicious blend of fourteen types of cheese-flavoured chemicals and three cheese-coloured dyes. Its unique consistency is obtained by copious quantites of paraffin, human earwax, and old "Vinyl Repair" kits.

And when dropped from eight stories, it makes one hell of a mess.