Still, the RIAA continues to go after innocent file-sharers like my grandmother, who recently got a monster tat of Dr. Dre flipping the bird to a bunch of cops inked across her back. But that's beside the point. The point is that I was trying desperately to get someone in the music industry to take my money. I had called the RIAA, online music stores, and even the music companies themselves.
But what about the artists? They're the bottom of the food chain in the music industry, the musicians that get their cut after the producers, executives, distributors, retailers, and RIAA lawyers take their share. Why not just send some money directly to the bands, and eliminate the middlemob? So that's exactly what I did next: I mailed checks to ten artists, ranging from the mega-successful to the ultra-obscure.
There were two problems. The first is that it's difficult to find Madonna's home address. So in many cases, I had to send my check to the management company, and hope that the greedy sharks wouldn't take more than their customary 15%. In a few cases for some of the lesser-known bands, the check went right to the bass player's house.
The second problem is: how much to send an artist for a song? If a 12-track CD retails for $15.00, that's about $1.25 a song. Then there's the retail markup, the distribution fees, the marketing and promotion, the studio time, the manager's fee, the producer's fee, not to mention the costs of making the CD. I ran the numbers, and I figured that the artist receives roughly, oh, nothing. So I just said, "Screw it," and sent everyone $1.12, because it seemed like a funny number.
A typical letter went like this:
Similar letters went out to:
| Artist | Song/Album |
| Beastie Boys | Rhymin' and Stealin' |
| Jane's Addiction | Been Caught Stealing |
| Madonna | Thief of HEarts |
| Steve Miller | Take the Money and Run |
| Mono Puff | It's Fun To Steal |
| Phish | Poor Heart |
| Public Enemy | Who Stole the Soul? |
| Radiohead | Hail to the Thief |
| Rolling Stones | Stealing My Heart |
| Suicide Machines | Steal This Record |
So this is fun. I'll keep an eye on my next few bank statements and see who cashes their checks. More importantly, I'll see who keeps the underwear.
