The San Francisco Macy's had an entire floor devoted to Christmas stuff, with Santa as the main attraction. Santa was kept in a separate room, and you had to wait in line for half an hour without ever seeing the big fella. It gave an air of mystery to the experience, but we suspected the real reason was that there were two Santas in separate rooms, to help the line move along faster. This Santa was worth the wait. Immaculately trimmed, with a silky hair and beard, and extremely rosy cheeks. The Macy's Santa seemed to be a skinny fellow in his 30's, with a generously padded suit. He fielded our questions gracefully, and even continued the interview after we were finished. |
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John: What's the most popular toy request this year? Santa: Barbie for the girls. For the boys, I'd say Criss Cross Crash and the Nintendo 64. John: Nintendo 64, a popular hit. Santa: And they're hard to come by. John: It's good you bring that up. Now, we all know that you and the elves make choo-choo trains and tricycles, but you also make modern technology nowadays, such as the Nintendo 64. Santa: Uh-huh. We upgraded the workshop recently. John: Now Santa, a lot of these video games are kind of violent and sexual -- inappropriate for young children. We're wondering how you could allow this sort of thing. Santa: You want me to explain my position? John: Yeah. Santa: Well, what it is, is that there's a demand for it. Santa brings gifts to all the good boys and girls, so it's up to their parents to either let Santa know if they're allowed to have them or not. John: But Santa, congressional committees have been set up to see if video game ratings are strong enough. You don't feel any guilt or remorse about this? Santa: Well, a lot of the ... a lot of the hype around ratings has to do with the video game competition. The various video ... uh, you know, the companies ... that are, that are in competition. They'll set up different hype ... uh, you know, they'll downplay their game and they'll say that this game's too violent, or this game's too sexy. Whereas at the North Pole, we're just producing toys ... you know, to just make people happy. John: Do the elves have full medical and dental plans? Santa: Absolutely. John: 401K plans?
Santa: Actually, we have dentists at the North Pole. Dentists and doctors. John: So it's kind of a North Pole HMO. Santa: Yeah. John: Do you have multiple red suits, or have you been wearing the same one all these years? Santa: Just this one. John: Just one? Do you ever take it off to wash it? Santa: I take it off when I sleep. John: Santa, thanks for your time. Santa: Hold on -- what do you want for Christmas? John: Me? Uh ... I'd like a pre-frontal lobotomy.  |
