 There are three ways to pay tolls on the "Mass Pike," as we call it: 1) You can drive through the "Fast Lane," which is a computerized system that detects a small device that you keep on your windshield, while pelting your car with gamma rays and slowly giving you cancer of the prostate. All Fast Lanes require that you slow your car to 15 mph, and some make you stop completely, giving new meaning to the word "Fast." 2) You can pay cash to the friendly toll booth operator, who will give you change, and, if you're lucky, a surly grunt. 3) If you have exact change, you can use the "baskets," which are big scoop-shaped buckets into which you throw your money. The money slides down a chute, where it is then processed by either highly efficient money-sorting machinery, or financially astute elves. It's a mystery.  You can see that the money goes to keeping the baskets clean and well-manicured. Experiment #1. First, I went through one of the $1.00 toll gates, but I only threw in 97 cents. Believe it or not, I was nervous as I drove away -- would the Turnpike Police pull me over and make me fill potholes with gravel and hot tar until I paid off my debt? Would angry Dobermans chase me down the highway, chomping at my tires?   Nothing happened. Experiment #2. Emboldened, the next time I went through the toll booth, I decided to try throwing in just seven cents.  Nothing happened. Experiment #3. The next time I went through, I decided to just write them an I.O.U., and tape it to the toll booth. I signed it "Mariah Carey," because I figured she can afford the extra dollar.   Nothing happened. This is great! I thought. All these years, I've been paying tolls, and it turns out they're optional! What other creative payment options could I use to pay my tolls on the Massachusetts Turnpike? |
