The secret to ordering drugs online, I discovered, is that you have to lie.
Can you believe that? You have to lie in order to get the Viagra. See, when their online form asks why you're ordering the drug, instead of writing:
You're supposed to say:
My Viagra arrived a few days later, filled by a Spanish pharmacy in Miami. "No detailed information is available about this drug," said the packing slip pictured at right -- which was disturbing, since the official Viagra site has a 1,700-word fact sheet on the dangers of the drug, including the terrifying spectre of "permanent damage to the penis." As I found out later, the permanent damage to the penis can occur because of excessive sex, but I'm getting ahead of myself."Consult your pharmacist if you have questions," the packing slip continued. Now, do they mean my regular pharmacist, or the shady Cuban pharmacist who sold me an FDA-regulated drug over the Internet? Somebody clear this up for me.
With shipping, it ran me $100 for the three tablets pictured here, but that was a small price to pay for what I was about to do with it. You see, I was most intrigued by this claim on the Viagra web site:
You will not get an erection just by taking this medicine. VIAGRA helps a man with erectile dysfunction get an erection only when he is sexually excited.
There was only one way to test this outlandish claim: I would take Viagra at the one place I knew I wouldn't get sexually excited, and then I'd see what happened.
I would take Viagra in church.
