So my little experiment of taking Viagra in church resulted in a rush of blood to the old man, as I predicted. After the service, however, my wife and I had the entire afternoon free. And it's a good thing.
Let me clear up one thing: Viagra does not help you last longer. If you can only fish for three or four minutes before spilling the chowder, Viagra will not help you there. As I was writing this piece, for instance, I had a little joke about Viagra helping me to last for 12 to 15 hours, as opposed to "the 12 to 15 minutes I usually am able to provide my wife." Jade read this and said: "Make it 12 to 15 seconds." So that should give you an idea of where I'm, ah, coming from.
But it's the recovery, my friends, that really works. There is no down time. Rebooting (or should I say, "rebootying) is instantaneous. You're the Insatiable Loggerman. It's like the Energizer Bunny, if, instead of banging that drum, he was banging the crap out of his gay lover. That's what the drum represents, you know. That rabbit is as gay as a French horn.
Anyway, partway into the seventeenth or eighteenth time, I suddenly realized that my wife hadn't taken a drug. She was this way naturally. Do you see what I'm, ah, driving at here? Suddenly I was made aware of how little I had been doing all these years to satisfy my wife! Viagra SUCKS!
"You know, honey," I said several hours later, after we had finished hosing down the walls and laundering the bedsheets, "we've still got two pills left."
She looked crestfallen. "Only two?!" she cried.
In conclusion, I must urge the men out there: stay away from Viagra. It is a Pandora's box of truth. Despite how much you may want to get into Pandora's box, Viagra will force you to gaze at the hideous reality: men are lousy lovers.
