I bought a head of green leaf lettuce from the local supermarket, just to see what would happen when you smoked it with the Volcano. I had heard of lettuce opium, but I was skeptical. If lettuce really got you high, there would be a lot more college kids eating salads.
I minced the wild lettuce on my cutting board, then let Creepy Uncle Rick pack the chamber, place it on the machine, snap the balloon onto the chamber, and vaporize the vegetable into the balloon.
The good news was that the Volcano vaporized the shit out of that lettuce. The bad news was that it smelled terrible, like bad salad.
SS: [Coughing] This tastes like rotting garbage.
CUR: It's got the putrid aftertaste of skunk.
SS: And not the good kind of skunk.
As my tape recorder continued to roll, we tried to analyze the effects of the vaporized lettuce.
SS: How you feeling?
CUR: I'm out of my mind.
SS: Me, too.
CUR: [Long pause]
SS: [Long pause]
CUR: Maybe we shouldn't have started with 84 bong hits beforehand.
SS: Yes. We should have approached this more scientifically.
CUR: It's hard to accept you as a trusted scientific authority when you're wearing a ski mask.
CUR: I tried to build my own vaporizer once.
SS: Really?
CUR: Yes. It was not nearly as successful as this one.
SS: Well, it wasn't machine-forged in a German factory with Storz Bickel workmanship.
CUR: No, it was glued together on the floor with parts from RadioShack.
SS: Wow. Did it do anything?
CUR: Besides catch fire?
SS: Yes.
CUR: No.
In summary, while smoking lettuce with the Volcano Vaporizer would be a completely legal pasttime, I cannot scientifically vouch for its psychoactive properties, since I was already baked like a triple-layer cake.
Fortunately, that wasn't going to stop us from smoking more foreign substances in the Volcano Vaporizer. Stay tuned.
