http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=list_articles&sort=funnymtd Funniest articles right now on ZUG.com en-us Copyright 2005, Media Shower, Inc. Tue, 13 May 2008 01:21:29 CDT I was sitting at my desk a few weeks ago, when it hit me: What's the world record for semen ejaculation distance? I don't mean that a load of baby gravy literally hit me in the face from a distance, but the idea came to me. It spurted into my... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78447 Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:44:08 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78447 I recently decided to take an herbal supplement called Ropex to set the world record for male ejaculation distance (see Part I and Part II). My assistant and I worked long and hard to develop a sophisticated and scientific way of measuring the... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78484 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 07:39:48 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78484 I tried an herbal supplement called Ropex to set the world record for male ejaculation distance. However, magic Swedish roping formula or not, the pills smelled like feet. And I don't mean the freshly-washed feet of an attractive woman. I mean... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78480 Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:48:45 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78480 Part IV: A New Hope After much curiosity and excitement, I wanted to see what the Asian Massage Parlor (AMP) scene was like here in NYC. So I kissed my wife, had her sign a permission slip, and took this experiment to the street to see what the... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78516 Thu, 01 May 2008 12:27:21 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78516 Part V: Nana Strikes Back I was visiting an Asian Massage Parlor in NYC, doing some "undercover" journalism. My quest was to find that elusive service known as the "Happy Ending." In the first part of my report, I was led... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78517 Thu, 01 May 2008 12:37:24 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78517 Recently I made a prank phone call to American Express Centurion, otherwise known as the Amex Black Card. It's the most exclusive credit card in the world -- you have to charge $250,000 annually, and it's invitation only. The perks include a... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78492 Mon, 28 Apr 2008 11:24:12 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78492 I used to work in a Catholic hospital doing security. One of the jobs we had was to check each body in and out of the morgue. Part of this entailed unwrapping the body part way, usually just enough to see the neck and hands. The bodies didn't... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=77845 Wed, 05 Mar 2008 06:58:44 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=77845 The last place I worked had a large machine that shreds and pulps and bleaches paper. Officially we used it to get rid of important or sensitive papers. Unofficially we liked to see how much newspaper you can shove in it at one time without... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=77846 Wed, 05 Mar 2008 07:33:43 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=77846 How to shave the Superman logo onto your chest: for the best removal of coarse, gritty male hair, I recommend hair removal cream. I was skeptical when ZUG first asked me to review Revitol Hair Removal Cream, but now that I'm Superman, I heartily... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=76219 Sun, 14 Oct 2007 11:21:50 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=76219 &"Please list all known allergies:&" Cats and cattle. Hopefully you don't use either of those... Through my entire life any time a doctor, hospital, surgeon, dentist, or prostitute has asked about my medical allergies I have... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=72653 Thu, 22 Feb 2007 11:44:11 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=72653 Lands' End, the famous catalog company, has a customer service chatroom on their website, where you can type text-based questions about their clothing line, and get a response from a live operator. I occasionally prank the &"Lands' End... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=47799 Fri, 08 Oct 2004 05:58:17 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=47799 This Pro-Am article brought to you by TableTopJane and Chris Garrett Last month we celebrated Memorial Day Weekend. An American Holiday which began way back in the year hell, I'm too lazy to look it up. Anyway, it's a holiday where we are... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=55259 Sat, 25 Jun 2005 09:54:23 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=55259 Having consumed nearly 13,000 boxes of sugared breakfast cereal in my lifetime, it recently occurred to me that many of our favorite cereal mascots are probably a little "light in the loops." Am I the only one who sees this? Snap,... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=46617 Wed, 01 Sep 2004 10:41:52 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=46617 I have a B.Sc. in Electrical and Computer Engineering, and I'm not even from India! Sure, I'm unemployed ... but I think having that degree is pretty prestigious. Something that really annoys me is people who don't understand what an... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=42423 Mon, 10 May 2004 04:16:38 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=42423 I recently attended a wedding as a groomsman. There were two groomsmen and two bridesmaids, and the sole purpose of these positions is so that the bride and groom can inform some of their best friends that they were not good enough to be the Maid... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=56170 Sun, 24 Jul 2005 12:37:04 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=56170 Last weekend I attended a friend's wedding. Let's call the groom Chris and the bride Kris, not only because it's accurate but also because it's super-confusing and likely to lead to accidental humour. As a groomsman I was required to do all sorts... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=55793 Mon, 11 Jul 2005 03:18:30 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=55793 I have lived in Florida for as long as I can remember. Now I haven't lived in Florida forever, but that's not the point. The point is that all I know are white sandy beaches, sharks, tourists, and Disneyworld. So when my parents announced that I... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=50902 Tue, 01 Feb 2005 09:48:15 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=50902 Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Thou shalt not kill. Perform a random act of kindness. Don't pee in the office coffee pot. Every human being is precious. These are all examples of hippie-bullshit. But the truth of the matter... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=52426 Thu, 24 Mar 2005 11:26:01 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=52426 No one understands me. Or at least, no one understands any of my jokes. For example, today at work I walked passed a booth where some guy was handing out pamphlets promising &"High Paying, Rewarding, Part-time Jobs for... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=34224 Sun, 21 Sep 2003 07:14:35 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=34224 I'm not homophobic (and I'm also not gay), but the other day I was thinking about what the most awkward, homosexual-like experiences of my life have been. I guess I don't mean my most homosexual experiences (like, in the privacy of my own home,... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=33400 Sun, 31 Aug 2003 06:56:14 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=33400 My husband and I celebrated our 17th anniversary this year, and I've been pranking him even longer than that. But my best prank took place during our first year of marriage. It was my most devious prank ever. Before my husband and I had kids,... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78042 Sat, 15 Mar 2008 06:22:43 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78042 This is the story of a man. Not a wise man. Just a man, like you or I. This man's name was Frank. There's something you should know about Frank. Frank had delusions of grandeur. While Frank believed that he had the brilliance of Einstein, the... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=68539 Mon, 28 Aug 2006 06:43:33 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=68539 Once upon a time there was a poor old man named Mike Moon who was very lonely. Then one day, he got so lonely that he used his vast knowledge of Visual Basic to create Kenshin - Virtual Boy. Things were going quite well, with all of GAB believing... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=16185 Mon, 25 Feb 2002 05:19:10 CST http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=16185 Recently, I used super hair removal cream to shave the Superman logo into my super chest hair read Part 1 and Part 2 here. The experiment turned out super, but it wasn't yet super super. I could feel the superpowers flowing... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=76293 Sun, 21 Oct 2007 12:57:05 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=76293 Sometimes it really pays off to be a longtime fan of this site. I'm pleased to announce the winners of our ZUG Playground Brick contest ... six years after the fact. For the complete story, please read here, here, and here, and here (in that... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78369 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 09:09:31 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78369 You may know about the American Express Centurion card, also known as the &"Amex Black,&" a card so shrouded in mystery that it was actually an urban legend until Amex cleverly decided to make one: a credit card borne of myth. ... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78394 Sat, 19 Apr 2008 02:20:45 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78394 Hello, Hollywood. I'd like to have a little talk with you. No, it's not about your insistence on letting Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn make movies together. It's about something that gnaws at my very soul every time I see it depicted on the big... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78302 Wed, 09 Apr 2008 10:30:35 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=78302 The premise was simple: a prank phone call to AT&T, asking them to install a telegraph in my home. I've been doing these corporate pranks for a long time, but I have to say that this was one of the weirdest examples of corporate behavior I've... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=44344 Fri, 02 Jul 2004 10:58:12 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=44344 I recently had a conversation with a co-worker who was telling me about the new Tempur-Pedic mattress she had purchased. If you're not familiar with this space-age material, it conforms to your body like an unusually talented octopus, wrapping its... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=47588 Fri, 01 Oct 2004 03:53:46 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=47588 As a few of you may or may not know, I took a road trip to Connecticut recently via Greyhound. This is not a story about the large gray bearded African woman who sat next to me on the bus. Nor is it about the crack heads that were... http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=67628 Tue, 18 Jul 2006 08:11:21 CDT http://www.zug.com/gab/index.cgi?func=view_thread&thread_id=67628