If students in the next century are required to take a course entitled "Early Internet Literature," this story will be required reading. It is one of the great classics of the Web.

"Bob the Anal Fissure" was originally posted to alt.tasteless, the often hilarious newsgroup that tackles burning issues of our time, like the number of calories in boogers and the sex habits of retarded people. The story has since been posted in various apocryphal versions, but no one has ever given the story the professional treatment it deserves. This is the only version approved by Mr. Cidoni himself, a man as mysterious and steeped in mystery as the faceless surgeon who violates his nether regions in this hilarious tale.

WARNING! This story is extremely graphic, extremely vile, and extremely funny. If you have a sensitive nature, if the phrase "violent anal dilation" doesn't seem like your bag, you don't want to continue. Trust me.

continue