Worst Bar Drink Ever!
Part 1: Green Chartreuse
Part 2: Bloody Tampon
Part 3: A Brush With Death
Part 4: Abortion
Part 5: Fire in the Hole
Share Your Own Worst Drink







Part 5: Fire in the Hole

My last bar, The Grill, was an awesome place. Interesting-looking people pack the joint to smoke cigarettes and doodle on their napkins while snacking on what may be the world's finest tater tots. Plus, it has an authentic 1970's photo booth!

I bellied up to the bar and got the attention of the young lady serving beers to the starving artists around me. I asked her for the worst drink she could make. She knew of one drink with three ingredients that was so foul, so powerful, and so demonic that I nearly died that night in bed. She didn't know the name, and she had only made it once before, for a man who rode into the bar on a black steed and said to her only three words: Grenadine, 151, and FIRE.

You can find this recipe on page 666 of the Necronomicon.
Now some of you may scoff at such a concotion, but I challenge you to try this montrosity. It's nearly pure alcohol with just a touch of the blood of the innocent, set on fire and served to prisoners in Russian gulags as a form of intoxicating torture. She poured the 151 nearly to the top, and as an after-thought dribbled some grenadine in it, then lit the bastard on fire.

"Make sure you blow out the fire!" she warned.

"Of course," I said. She warned me again. I was waiting for her to pull out a release form for me to sign, but all grew silent. I lifted the shot to my mouth, blew out the flames, and swallowed. In my search for the worst tasting drink, The Grill was lord and master of all.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

You may be wondering why there is only one picture. I'd like to say that the first one was terribly out of focus, being taken at arm's length and all, but the truth was that I just forgot, on account of being completely shitfaced. And the drink with no name was the end-all for me.

I made my way home and slithered through the house like a brain-damaged snake, spilling an entire bottle of ibuprofen into the sink, tripping over basically everything, and making lots of noise. That night as I lay in bed with one leg draped over the side to help subside the rapid spinning sensations, I realized something. I have seen Hell, and Hell is drinking four of the worst drinks a bartender can think up in one night on top of lots and lots of good old beer.


If you enjoyed this feature, you may also like The All-Natural Prank, in which Hargrave tries to destroy his digestive system with all-natural foodstuffs.

Or you might just like to contribute a foul drink of your own.


You're reading ZUG,
the world's only comedy site.

Copyright 1994-2008 Media Shower, Inc.
All rights reserved. Advertise on ZUG.






today on ZUG
most popular
our
famous
pranks

GAB with
funny
people

about
ZUG