Where are the nipples? The nipples are gone. Airbrushed away, with the aid of powerful digital editing software like Quark XPress and Microsoft Money. Welp, my new book, How To Draw The Nipples Back On Victoria's Secret Catalog Models Using Adobe Photoshop, will teach you how to add those nipples back in. The only other items you'll need are a copy of the Victoria's Secret catalog, a scanner, some hand lotion, and an old sock. Here's an excerpt from the book!
1) Scan in a photo from your Victoria's Secret catalog. We'll use the one pictured here.  See, Victoria's Secret is a respectable company, and some people think that showing nipples makes their catalog pornographic. If this ain't crazy, my name's not Tony Ronzoni! (And it is) Does an infant look into its mother's eye and say, "Get that breast away from me, it's pornographic"? When we see a female monkey or mama sow at the zoo, do we insist that the zoo attendant cover the nipples with a tube top? The answer is NO! 2) Open the scanned file in Adobe Photoshop by choosing File > Open. 3) Select the "paintbrush" tool, as pictured here.  4) Draw two concentric circles to approximate the areolae. (It may be hard to draw perfect circles, but keep trying.)  5) Draw two dots to finish them off.  6) Sit back, grab your sock, and enjoy! |
The women of Victoria's Secret are some of the most gorgeous and limber women in the world. Who hasn't spent hours thumbing through the Victoria's Secret catalog, devouring their breasts, thighs, and necks, like a fat man devouring a bucket of fried chicken? Only one problem: these women have no nipples. Page after page of lace cup, see-through fabric, and sheer mesh, and yet not a single nipple is visible.
