Several people with the last name of Zug have written and told us of the coincidence. In fact, we're thinking of organizing a Zug family reunion.
How do I submit an article to ZUG?
Use the link at the bottom of this page:
http://www.zug.com/gab/?func=list_articles
The funniest articles are published on the site, with a lucky few even making the ZUG homepage.
How long should I lurk before posting to your message board?
Look out your window. See that bright yellow orb floating in the sky? That's the sun. After it has gone supernova and then burnt down to a cinder no bigger than a chihuahua's head -- that is when it is time for you to post.
Or you could lurk for a few days, get a feel for the place, have someone who knows the funny check out your first post (hint: if they laugh a lot at "Blue Collar TV," they are probably not a good proofreader), then hit the "Submit" button. After a few months of brutal hazing and possible brain and/or liver damage, you'll be a regular and can join in the beatdown. Profit. (Submitted by user Tabula Rasa)
Why does everyone mock me when I use IM speak? I've used it on AOL for years!
Partly because we actually took English classes way back in seventeenth-century high school, and we like to apply that knowledge. Mostly, though, its because there are a few smoking hot chicks hanging around this site, and nobody ever got any pussy using retarded AOHell l33t-speak. Dude, seriously. Come on. (Submitted by user Zolton)
Everybody acts like they already know each other -- are they just trying to make me feel left out?
One of the nice things about ZUG is that relationships -- and reputations -- form quickly. Post a few witty rejoinders and soon, you may be invited along for chats and gatherings and possibly even hot monkey love with other community members. There may even be pie. Conversely, act like a douche in your first few days, and you'll likely be ridiculed, or shunned altogether. It's also true that many active users have been bantering for years; snoop out a few profiles to see who's been "GABbing since 2003," or even earlier. None of which answers your question, unfortunately. (Submitted by user Zolton)
Who are all those people in the photo album? Should I submit my picture, too?
The photos in the album represent community members past and present who have chosen to share their mugs -- ugly or otherwise -- with the rest of the community. This is helpful in "putting a face with the name" when reading posts. Also helpful when trying to identify the stranger waiting outside in your bushes wearing only running shoes and a "Marry Me!" sandwich board. Generally speaking, you should consider submitting your picture if you feel comfortable with everyone else knowing what you really look like. Since that should never happen to any moderately sane person, you may also submit a picture because it's the "in" thing to do. All the cool kids, and many of their breasts, are already in the album. What are you, chicken? (Submitted by user Zolton)
Why do I have to be 18 years old to post on your message board?
ZUG operates under the principle of free speech. As a result, the subject matter frequently tends toward mature themes and coarse language. For obvious legal reasons, children and teenagers are kindly asked to wait a few more years before joining the community. Also, if you are under 18 and reading this, chances are that you're probably just a zit-popping, MTV-watching, teenage moron. Nobody on GAB is interested in what you have to say, so you're better off posting on MySpace anyway. (Submitted by user The French Mailman)
There's so many people posting here -- how do I get noticed?
You can get noticed easily: just SUYT. But if you want to be loved, don't post unless you've got something funny to post. The revered vets are revered because they've been around for a while, they respect the funny, and they don't clog up the board with the comedic equivalent of a ten pound grogan and a roll of asswipe. And beware of schtick -- it's tempting, but chances are, it's been done before and unless you want to end up a living joke, stay away from it. The path to the dark side is easy. (Submitted by user Tabula Rasa)
I've been here three weeks, and everybody still calls me "n00b" -- how can this be possible?
Many of the regular "players" on this site have been here for years, some since the beginning. If you don't understand the rarity of that in an online forum, then you are indeed a n00b. Also, unlike most Internet communities, we tend to have an irrational urge to physically meet each other on a regular basis. If no one has met you (or at least come to personally know you outside this site), then you are indeed new to the group. (Submitted by user Mr. Sir)
I told the best joke about your mom/my trip to Chuck E. Cheese/my bowl of Spaghetti-O's in the cafeteria, and it was a laff-riot. When I shared the same joke on your site, I was met with insults and/or indifference. What gives?
Our collective sense of humor has been finely honed with years of irony, dead-baby jokes, inside references, and shock links. If you are offended by anything, you may want to leave. At the very least, never tell anybody here that you were offended, unless you want to hear a lot more of it. Your best bet is to hang around and quietly observe the banter. Your entré into the world of true comedy will be much smoother for it.
(submitted by user Mr. Sir)
What's with the blue type and how do I do it?
Those are action tags. In order to use them, you need to remove your head from your ass and remember what your teachers taught you in school: ALWAYS READ ALL DIRECTIONS BEFORE STARTING THE TEST. The information needed to use action tags, and a host of other stuff, is conveniently located in the instructions that you probably skipped through while signing up. Now don't you feel like an ass for not paying closer attention? (Submitted by user Big Irish Guy)
What does X stand for?
X is for X, motherfuckers! (Submitted by user Mr. Sir)
What is meant by words like aroungry, fagjack, and fap?
All these definitions, and many more, can be found in the fantastically awesome GABtionary. Read it. Memorize it. There will be a test later. (Submitted by user Phuc)
Is BobJohnson really as awesome as everyone says he is?
Yes. (Submitted by everyone who ever posted on ZUG)
Why do people call me names when I use a smiley face or emoticon?
Because GAB is highbrow humor. Poop is funny. Farts are funny. Three dots and a parenthesis is not. If you have to use an emoticon to get your point across, please go back to AOL. (Submitted by user Trae)
That guy/girl just called me a douchebag and told me to die -- did he/she mean it, or is it all just one big scary joke?
Yeah, who the hell knows? Your best bet is to act like you're not offended and respond with your best funny. (Submitted by user Phuc)
Is there really a secret ZUG page?
Yes.
Then what's the address of the secret ZUG page?
http://www.zug.com/us/about/secret.html
Can I link to ZUG?
But of course.
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Photo courtesy of Tom Pruneau
